Slow and Steady Wins The Dating Race


It’s an age old classic. A tortoise challenges a cocky hare to a race, because nobody has anything better to do in Animal Word. The hare hops off as fast as his furry paws will take him! After a while, he assesses he’s made some solid headway and takes a nap (cough-performance-enhancing-drugs-cough). Meanwhile, the tortoise trudges along the racecourse at a consistent pace. He eventually overtakes the hare, wins the race and, with it, ETERNAL FLAME AND GLORY.  Four for you Tortoise! You go Tortoise! The moral of the story: ‘Take your time, dude. Rushing things is for dinguses’. There are many situations this gem of advice should be taken on board, evidently when participating in sporting challenges against reptiles. But no time is it more relevant than when dating someone new.

Too often you see people who have known each other the entirety of two minutes and 34 seconds and BAM! They’re off faster than you can say ‘instant soul m8s’!  Friends, hobbies, personal tastes and having a life outside each other fall to the wayside, collateral damage from the sheer intensity with which they’re going at it like bunnies. It’s only when they stop to take a breather and look around at their new strange relationship-y surroundings, disorientation sets in. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. When did that happen?! Who am I?! WHO ARE YOU?!”.  To avoid this unsettling confusion, the wiser approach is to take after the tortoise, especially at the beginning. Why show your new lady or gentleman friend all your tricks in one unimpressive swoop? Unravel your ninja dating moves one by one! Not only does this build the giddy excitement of new romance, it also gives you time to consider what you really want. Are you really ready to hang up your single dancing shoes and surrender your right to turbo-flirt with attractive strangers? Are their ninja moves really that impressive?

Granted, channelling your inner tortoise can be harder than trying to separate fingers you’ve accidentally super glued together, even after you’ve tried to take a deliberated approach initially. You’ve moved through the ‘Verifying You’re Not A Serial Killer’ and ‘So We’re Not Just Boning?’ stages and have decided you genuinely enjoy spending time with this Shiny New Person. To your utter delight, the feeling is mutual! Huzzah! Why play it cool? Your head is spinning to the point where texting “BABY WATCHA DOIN’ WANNA HANG LET’S HANG BABY’ four times an hour seems like a stroke of unadulterated genius. OH HELL NO. CONTROL YO SELF. The point of the whole relationship thing to spend many more weeks and months, perhaps even eons, in each other’s company. So why the rush? Enjoy each delicious, ‘honeymoon phase’ coated morsel of time slowly and delectably and at the end of it will lie A Solid Good Deal.

Savour the moment, my hard shelled friends and you too can cross the finish line as one happy little tortoise!





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